The Professor’s Guide to Interacting with a Jazz Musician in the Wild

Jazz Musicians (Homo Sapiens Swingingus Maximus) are fascinating creatures. Nocturnal by nature, they live a reclusive life in close knit communities cut off from mainstream society. If you want to look for Musicians in their natural habitat, they tend to convene in the late hours of the night, attracted to alcohol and loud musical noises. They often gather in small herds, called bands. If you come across a Musician, or a band of musicians in their native environment, don't be afraid. They are generally convivial creatures and are often as curious of you as you are of them. Here's The Professor's guide to interacting with a Jazz Musician: 1) No sudden movements. Jazz Musicians are easily startled, mostly due to varying levels of intoxication from a drinking supply of free alcohol. Sudden movements will startle and confuse them. 2) Use small words. Because Jazz Musicians are aloof creatures (and due to rule #1), an economy of words and a simple vocabulary is recommended. In mainstream culture one might say: "Good evening. It's a pleasure to meet you." In jazz language, a simple “sup?” will suffice. 3) Furthermore, to gain trust and acceptance within the “band,” offer to buy one of the band an alcoholic beverage—which is believed to be their primary source of sustenance. (Another dietary source is the cold sandwich, which seems to be readily available at many