Our national discourse has improved considerably
Since Barney was elected President.
Who else would kids of all ages love and trust
Having been spurned and disappointed by
Crackhead parents with a slide-rule system of morality?
Barney, or rather the actor operating The Barney Suit,
Speaks to all their longings.
The advantage to having a President inhabiting The Suit
Is that, should ill befall the main Barney,
Another may assume the mantle of office
With no loss of continuity or change of policy.
Indeed, the Original Barney (now on life supports
After a botched assassination attempt by Mister Rogers)
Has been the first of many to wear The Suit.
Other Barneys, unknown by name to the vast majority of Americans,
Have taken their place when called upon to do so—
At least until succumbing to heat exhaustion
(Temperatures inside The Suit can reach 130 degrees Fahrenheit)
Or falling to the sick obsession of a malcontented loner
Who feels that an actor in a purple dinosaur costume
Is not the sort of chief executive who will keep America on course
And competitive in a global economy.
But the cynics have been wrong.
The Barney administration has proven to be the best ever—
Untainted by scandal, media-friendly, and
And expressing policy in terms a four-year-old can understand.
Interest rates have fallen as blood glucose levels have skyrocketed.
There is a renewed sense of national unity
Especially among those in diapers
Both young and old. —A.S.