We in the jazz musical world are tired of being ignored by the media moguls who feed the bottomless American appetite for reality TV. Ever on the prowl for three squares, we have taken the reed between our canines, and fast-tracked our own reality programming; all strictly high-concept stuff, of course.
Leading off we have Who Wants to Marry a Jazz Musician? Premise: A jazz musician masquerades as a normal person. A dozen blindfolded beauties are given a list of questions. Every time the musician reverts to type and says “man” or “dig” a small electric shock is delivered, bringing him back within the bounds of acceptable behavior. The jazz bachelor and the lovely winner win a case of valve oil and a trip to the Jazz Hall of Fame (a Go-Fund me campaign for the Hall is underway).
Second: Real Housewives of the Real Book. Premise: An inside look at the stressful lives of girlfriends and wives whose jazz musician partners host a never-ending series of jam sessions peopled by Craigslist zombies. Episode One: Mrs. Greta Semiquaver wakes up in the middle of the night screaming. Several hours later, she’s discovered in a corner drooling and mumbling “No more choruses Blue Bossa—no more choruses Blue Bossa—please.”
Third: Alaska Gig Hunters. Premise: Danger and adventure beckon as recent Berklee graduates are given a motorcycle battery to power their amps, instructions on
