There is a song, whose title I dare not quote lest I incur the wrath of the copyright holders, that states something to the effect that the greatest boons in life may be obtained without monetary expenditure. Even if you know the composition to which I refer, please don’t start humming it. Alexa, or Siri, or somebody will detect the tune and your account will be charged according to the licensing rates dictated by ASCAP.
The sentiment expressed by that refrain makes me weepy (though I am usually weepy during layout week); not that it is a beautiful lie, but that it used to be true. None of what we have taken for granted as being, well, granted is ours by right. Certain men in suits (whom some of you may admire for their swashbuckling spirit) have said that we have no inalienable right to clean air or potable water. Fine. I can accept that. They do have nice suits, so they must know something.
I honestly don’t mind quaffing the runoff from my gutters or gasping for breath as long as some worthy entrepreneur is putting the commodities I lack to profitable use. No, where I’m about to alienate a few of you is by mentioning those words which may now never be used in company, polite or otherwise. If you like, you may leaf ahead to the Professor’s column on page seven and spare yourself the trauma of reading those forbidden words.
Now that the trigger warning has been given,
