Co-Dependent Baby
(Sung to the tune of You Know What)
Come, Sweetheart mine—
Don’t snort that line,
Put away your crack pipe and your airplane glue;
Lay off those pills—
Darling, speed kills;
I kind of wish you’d ease up on the vodka, too.
Though you protest,
I know what’s best—
When you’re clean and sober you’ll be feeling swell;
But when you toke,
Drink, or do coke,
I love you more than ever though it hurts like hell:
Come to me my co-dependent baby,
Cuddle up, and don’t despair;
Your substance problems, whatsoever they be,
Are just the sort of thing to make me care;
You know Dear that I could never leave you,
And here’s a fact that’s sad but true—
Though it seems like suicide
I must have you for my bride:
I guess I must be co-dependent, too.
Dear, when you jones,
And take out loans
Just to buy the junk that keeps you acting straight;
I know it’s wrong
But go along
Though I know the stuff will kill you soon or late;
I feel a twinge
Each time you binge—
And it’s not unpleasant if you get my drift;
Life will be drab
Once you rehab—
For every time you’re high it gives my mood a lift:
Come to me my co-dependent baby,
Cuddle up and shoot some horse;
If you join a twelve-step program, maybe
That will be what leads to our divorce;
For though I’ll vow to care for you in sickness
Once you’re healt
