Give a gig this Christmas

This year I saw a covert “holiday” laced commercial in August. The commercial might have been about hemorrhoid cream. I really don’t remember. I do remember the slightly out of focus Christmas tree behind the pitchman. So, Christmas has an agent and is now engaging in product placement. We have a few holidays in the queue, slow down. Must everything be a race? I have been at Home Depot this year more than any princess should be. Just walking in “The Despot” takes a year off my life. The longer it takes me to find an orange aproned drone….poof, another year. And then again when I realize that the cyborg employee gave me the wrong bracket and I have to go back the next day. Recently one of the employees said to me in the midst of a doorknob question: “Don’t I know you?” My testy response was, “Just from this hellacious place” (okay, I left out “hellacious” but he heard it). He gave me the wrong information and me and my knobs went back the next day. In August, Halloween was in full bloom at The Despot, monsters and scary lawn ornamentations were everywhere. I was properly amused and on that trip I only lost six months. When I went back in September, only the tiniest remnants of All Hallows’ Eve remained. A plastic eyeball here a severed head there. My sadness was palpable. Christmas had just about eaten all the Halloween floor space. And while I realize th