IN THE AI GARDEN
(Apologies to C. Austin Miles)
I come to the chapel alone
In my search for sweet consolation;
And the voice I hear, falling on my ear,
Is an AI generation;
And He walks with me
And He talks with me
And He tells me His battery’s low;
And it seems the Lamb is a hologram
(Not that one would ever know).
He speaks and the sound of His voice
Is beset by digital ringing;
But if I upgrade my account to Paid
His circuits will be singing;
And He walks with me
And He talks with me
And He tells me he must reboot;
And He’ll pixelate as we stand and wait,
His sound is set to Mute.
I stay in the chapel with Him
Though His online connection is failing;
And He bids me go, since his bars are low,
It’s time that I was bailing;
And He walks with me
And He talks with me
And He tells me Updates are nigh;
And the software patch is a perfect match
For the Son of God’s AI
(The Computer in the Sky).
HELLO, ICE
(Original Theme of A Prairie Home Invasion)
(with apologies to Hank Snow and Garrison Keillor)
Well look who’s coming to my town
With masks of black and shirts of brown—
Hello ICE, hello ICE;
Why in the world were you sent down here
With paramilitary gear?
Hello ICE, hello ICE.
Barge right in, invade our home
Sent by Trump and Kristi Noem—
Hello ICE, hello ICE;
Minnesota welcomes you
Feel free to break a head or two;
Hello ICE, hello ICE.
I’ve heard you say you round up scum
And send them all back where they’re from;
I really didn’t expect that you’d show
But I just can’t wait for you to go.
I’ll try to give you sufficient space
So you won’t shoot me in the face—
Hello ICE, Hello ICE;
I’m black and blue, you’re mean and strong—
And you’ve hung around too goddamn long;
Hello ICE, hello ICE.
I’ve heard it said often enough
The tough get going when things are tough;
Well, you’re plenty tough—I’ll show you the door
So what the hell are you waiting for?
Trump’s losing his mind and it’s a fact—
Here comes the Insurrection Act
Hello ICE, hello ICE;
We’re occupied now with no end in sight
Does might make right? Yes, if you’re white;
Hello ICE, hello ICE, hello ICE, hello ICE…
KILL ’EM ALL
(Apologies to George Formby)
They say there’s a bomber just leaving today,
Bound for Caribbean seas,
They’re goin’ fishin’ with live ammunition,
Bound to explode whom they please;
Above there’s an airman now drawing a bead,
There’s the boat he’s drawing it on,
You’ll earn no citation without termination,
So cheer up my lads, Kill ’em All!
Kill ’em All, Kill ’em All,
The poor and the weak and the small;
Kill all those fishing and those out for sport
Kill all survivors with thund’rous report;
’Cause we’re saying goodbye to them all,
Though they may dog-paddle and crawl;
All dead in the water from our wholesale slaughter,
So cheer up my lads, Kill ’em All.
They say if you practice you’ll have better aim
We’ve heard all that before,
Blast all the dinghies and barrage the skiffs
Before they can get back to shore;
There’s many a missile has taken to flight,
Many a bomb has to fall,
You’ll get no new notches for scratching your crotches,
So cheer up my lads, Kill ’em all!
Kill ’em All, Kill ’em All,
In a ketch or a schooner or yawl,
From Venezuela or from Surinam
They’re not drug-runners? Well, who gives a damn!
’Cause we’re saying goodbye to them all,
As all their fresh catches they haul,
They’ll get no parley, it’s just “Sorry, Charlie!”
So cheer up my lads, Kill ’em All!
Now they say that Pete Hegseth’s a very nice chap,
Oh what a tale to tell,
Ask him for guidance on whom to take out
And he’ll say, “Just send them to Hell.”
There’s many an airman has blighted his life
For failing to answer the call,
You’ll get your salvation through obliteration,
So cheer up my lads, Kill ’em all!
Kill ’em All, Kill ’em All,
It isn’t a chore, it’s a ball,
Bomb all the vessels, whatever may float,
It’s so much neater than cutting their throat;
’Cause we’re saying goodbye to them all,
Though many woke lefties may squall,
Just tell them compassion is quite out of fashion,
So cheer up my lads, Kill ’em All!
Nobody knows what a bad boy you’ve been,
So cheer up my lads, Kill ’em all!
PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN
(Apologies to Lee Greenwood)
Just yesterday all my hope was gone
The liberals ran my life—
But I’m back in charge again
To boss my children and my wife;
I thank my MAGA friends
To be riding high today;
’Cause the flag stands for my freedom
To just yank your rights away:
And I’m proud to be an Amerdican
Where at least I think I’m free
And I won’t forget the men who died
Though suckers they may be;
And I’d gladly storm the Capitol
And defend Trump’s will today
’Cause there ain’t no doubt
We lost our minds—
Trump owns the U.S.A.
From the woke of Minnesota
To hill folk of Tennessee,
The patriots of Texas
Take orders now from he;
From Blue States down to Red States
And New York to L.A.
Trump’s captured every American heart
(At least those who aren’t gay):
Yes I’m proud to be an American
The land where my Fathers died;
And I’ll wink my eye at all the girls
Whose healthcare was denied;
And I’ll gladly build the border wall
To keep immigrants at bay;
’Cause there ain’t no doubt
Who rules this land:
Trump owns the U.S.A.
And I’m proud to be in the MAGA clan
Where The Donald speaks for me
And I won’t forget the men who fought
For White Supremacy;
And I’d gladly give up all my rights
And forget about my cares—
’Cause there ain’t no doubt
Who owns this land:
God Bless the Billionaires.
